Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Terra Nova, Silent Enemy, Oasis, and a brief mention of the Temporal Cold War arc.

N.B.: Part three of the Oblivion trilogy. Stream of conciousness, Jon’s POV. ~RB

Everything is going to be alright.

I have to believe that. I’m Malcolm’s captain, his father figure. The moment I loose confidence in him, in his ability to pull his life back together, is the moment he does as well. The moment I stop believing in him, I doom him to failure. I can’t do that. He means too much to me, to this ship, for me to do that.

He means too much to Trip.

Trip, he’s like the little brother I never had. It’s my job to protect him from whatever I can. Right now, that means protecting him from the pain of having the man he loves commit suicide.

It was too close to begin with. Trip barely found him in time. I thought my heart was going to stop when I walked into Sickbay that night, and Phlox told me what had happened.

I never dreamed that Malcolm would try to take his own life.

But then, I feel like I should have seen it coming. Malcolm’s so quiet, so reclusive, so self-contained... I saw how touched he was by the cake we had made for him on his birthday. I should have taken it as my cue to draw him out more, but I let myself become distracted, and he slipped back into his shell.

I was distracted by history book headings, all in capital letters.

THE MISSION. TEMPORAL COLD WAR. COMING TO TERMS WITH THE VULCANS. FIRST CONTACT.

All important things, yes, but I should never have let Malcolm become a mere ... footnote. Even in terms of those things he’s vitally important. He’s saved this ship, saved my life, more times than I can remember. Often it has been at some cost to himself. Shot and held hostage on Terra Nova. Shot again and beaten on Ezral’s ship. To protect me.

I shouldn’t dwell on the past.

I can’t change what’s happened. I can shape how things are going to happen, by staying focused on the here-and-now.

The doc has put Malcolm on anti-depressants. It’s been three weeks since he’s been taking them, and they seem to be helping a little. Only a little though. Mostly they seem to be controlling his mood swings. They aren’t helping him get back on the level. Phlox says that’s our job. His, mine, and Trip’s. T’Pol offered to help, too, which surprised me, but Phlox said not yet. Later, though, he said she could teach him some meditation techniques.

I hope we can succeed.

Watching Trip with Malcolm, at dinner in my mess, puttering with something in the Armoury or Engineering, just sitting and talking, it’s obvious how much Trip loves him. There’s affection in every gesture he makes toward him. It’s very sweet. Malcolm can’t return the affection right now. He doesn’t even like himself, he can’t love Trip.

Trip’s being very selfless about it all. He doesn’t expect reciprocation ... ever. It’s enough for him to see Malcolm get better, he says. I know Trip, though, and I know that somewhere inside there’s at least a small hope that Malcolm will love him back someday. I hope so, too.

They both deserve a little happiness.

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